(I wrote this two weeks ago but didn’t have the courage to post it)
The last several blogs have been more about the business
side of things than the personal. As I mentioned before this blog has taken on
a life of its own and now it’s the catalyst for a new company my husband and I
are starting. While the blog has always been a mix of
instructional/motivational and personal, I want to make this one a return to
the pure truth and reality of this experience for me.
With the success of the blog and now the H.E.a.T Facebook page and new business endeavor I realize that I’m feeling additional pressure
to not mess up and show people that I’m a normal person. But that’s how the
blog started gaining popularity; people saw the transformation and appreciated
the honesty and the opportunity to be on this journey with me. So I’m gonna be
real with my audience here. I’m struggling right now guys. With all the change
going on in our lives including the new job and the cross-country relocation
along with all our new ideas and endeavors, I have been feeling overwhelmed,
tired and stressed the heck out. Although we have pretty much kept on track
with our workout routine, for me the Food Demons have returned. Even as I write
this I’m eating a miniature Special Dark chocolate bar because the evil admin
in my new department is one of those happy, bubbly ones that always has candy
at her desk. She also orders lunch for
the department at least twice a week and it generally involves sandwiches, chips,
and cookies. I did say she’s evil, right? But on the serious tip I’ve been
experiencing the associated sadness, lack of motivation, drained energy, and
self-criticism that generally accompany a poor diet.
As strong as I have been throughout this process (I even
juiced twice a day and worked out while I was traveling a couple weeks ago), I
have reached my breaking point. My new job has been completely insane since I
started. Trying to juggle the crazy hours I’ve been working with traveling for
work, to having family in town, to the constant nagging in the back of my mind
that I need to find a place to live and a school for my son. I need to call a
realtor, I need to find someone to take over my current lease, I need to
contact schools to arrange visits for Blake when/if we ever get back down to
SoCal for a house hunting trip. I’m fighting with my sister. I’m worried about
money. I’m uncertain if I made the right choice accepting this new job and
moving my family across the country again. My hair is falling out. My allergies
are out of control. I’m completely exhausted.
I think acceptance is one of the 12 steps, right? Well I am
admitting and accepting that I am struggling and I need help. But I think this
admittance is helping me even now to be ready to shake it off and keep moving
forward. It’s time for me to take a dose of my own freakin medicine. I spend so
much time encouraging others and trying to spread information, I sometimes
forget to do it for myself. Hold on guys, I’m gonna go back and read the Food
Demons blog again…BRB (as the young people say).
OK!
I re-read a bunch of the old blogs and it’s amazing how they
help get me recharged. I can read them and relive the journey that brought me
to where I am today. The Food Demons blog helps me to remember that this is an
everyday battle. Even if I lose the battle one day, I am still winning the war.
I am a new person from who I was 7 months ago when we first started juicing. I
have learned so much about myself and about what I put into my body and how it
makes me feel. My exercise routine is through the roof compared to how I used
to work out which was already pretty hard core. I’m proud of myself and every
day I continue to move in the right direction. Even as I finish this piece of
chocolate I am reminded of how two years ago I would have eaten an entire
chocolate bar plus a sandwich, chips, and a cookie or two or three. So even
though I am struggling right now, I have to realize that everything is
relative. As long as I continue to move in the right direction, it’s OK to have
a moment of weakness. Even health and fitness gurus have their days! LOL  |
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